(For the hip hop fans,............. maybe)
I feel like I'd been locked in a cage
Year after year to quell my rage
Dummed down by the world, but in my head a sage
Looking in the mirror as I'm turning the page
My feet find me back here in the city lights
Looking for a babe to get me through the nights
Feeling like I don't have the proper game
To light that spark and ignite that flame
It's like a diabetic in a candy store
I want them all, but I can't have no more
So much to choose from, but I only get a whore
I wonder how many hits will get me a score
I feel so alone, but it's just in my head
New York's alive, but to me it's just dead
Sadly the parade has passed me by
I sit here alone, and I wonder why
Ok Cupid, c'mon, do your job
Bring me a honey, and I will come alive
Maybe some viagra will give me the drive
and I will be a star in my bedroom, live
It's like a diabetic in a candy store
I want them all, but I can't have no more
So much to choose from, but I only get a whore
I wonder how many hits will get me a score
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Lonesome Loser(My Second Attempt At Poetry)
Sit down, take a look at yourself. Don't you want to be somebody....
I did a lot of sitting down, maybe way too much. I let a lot of time and opportunities go by. I figured the chance to become someone special would come easily for me or just be handed to me by someone, but that never happened. So now, in my forties, I wake up in a cold sweat and freak out because the alarm clock didn't go off for me, like it did for everyone else in their lives. I'm late for something, or a bunch of things, like the great job or my wedding day or the birth of children. I won't be attending any of those things today, but I wonder, is this the real path I was supposed to travel in this life, the one of obscurity, of near poverty, of perpetual loneliness and haunting dreams of what might have been or, am I extremely fortunate. That I have all four of my limbs, that I'm relatively healthy, and that I look a few years younger than my age. At least that's what a lot of people tell me. I'm lucky to not have the responsibilities of others, especially the friends who are divorced. I don't have the baggage, or the alimony or the child support. I sometimes also think, maybe I also missed the calling of complete self-destruction. I could have easily become a terrible drug-addict, or gambling freak or had deep depression to the point of suicide. But luckily, I have not gone in that direction either. Yes, there is still time for me, but the clock keeps ticking.....
Have you heard about the lonesome loser, he's a loser but he still keeps on trying......
I did a lot of sitting down, maybe way too much. I let a lot of time and opportunities go by. I figured the chance to become someone special would come easily for me or just be handed to me by someone, but that never happened. So now, in my forties, I wake up in a cold sweat and freak out because the alarm clock didn't go off for me, like it did for everyone else in their lives. I'm late for something, or a bunch of things, like the great job or my wedding day or the birth of children. I won't be attending any of those things today, but I wonder, is this the real path I was supposed to travel in this life, the one of obscurity, of near poverty, of perpetual loneliness and haunting dreams of what might have been or, am I extremely fortunate. That I have all four of my limbs, that I'm relatively healthy, and that I look a few years younger than my age. At least that's what a lot of people tell me. I'm lucky to not have the responsibilities of others, especially the friends who are divorced. I don't have the baggage, or the alimony or the child support. I sometimes also think, maybe I also missed the calling of complete self-destruction. I could have easily become a terrible drug-addict, or gambling freak or had deep depression to the point of suicide. But luckily, I have not gone in that direction either. Yes, there is still time for me, but the clock keeps ticking.....
Have you heard about the lonesome loser, he's a loser but he still keeps on trying......
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Lady Of My Dreams
I will now be using this blog to post my poetry. Some of it will be fictional and some will be autobiographical. Hopefully everyone will enjoy it and no one will be offended by it. Here's my first poem:
THE LADY OF MY DREAMS
There she was, looking just the same as she did the last time I touched her. But I never touched her, it was all in my imagination. This is not a Barry Manilow song, it's reality, a sad reality of underachieving and broken dreams, and wasted time and talent. I feel like Rip Van Winkle, I slept for 20 years, while the rest of my brilliant classmates received their degrees and started careers and most of them got married and had children and have lives to be proud of, as they face being in their 40s and 25 years since Stuy, and their hair turning grey. I face that too, but I also face what could have been, what might have been, and it haunts me. You know what else haunts me, the lady of my dreams. The lady of my dreams is one of them. She walked down the same halls as me, she got her degree and has a great career. She got married and had a kid and has a life to be proud of. I've seen her and run into her and have probably scared her a bit. At Starbucks, and her block, and my block, and seemingly everywhere in 10009. She probably wonders what went wrong with me, if I'm just a creepy stalker, why I'm not a success like her. I wouldn't know what to say if she asked me that question. I couldn't explain it, I would just be in a daze that she would be asking me anything. I'm not in her league now, not even close. I don't know if I ever was. I've had a thing for her for 2/3rds of my life, a crush, a wild obsession, since freshman year, since 1983. I forgot about her for about 15 years, but Facebook brought her back, better than ever, back to my dreams, but for me it's a nightmare. I must try to forget her, even though I live near her. I mean her, and everyone else on earth, no harm whatsoever. I admire her, and respect her, and adore her. I always will. This poem is over, but she will always be, the lady of my dreams, though she may never be, in my reality.
THE LADY OF MY DREAMS
There she was, looking just the same as she did the last time I touched her. But I never touched her, it was all in my imagination. This is not a Barry Manilow song, it's reality, a sad reality of underachieving and broken dreams, and wasted time and talent. I feel like Rip Van Winkle, I slept for 20 years, while the rest of my brilliant classmates received their degrees and started careers and most of them got married and had children and have lives to be proud of, as they face being in their 40s and 25 years since Stuy, and their hair turning grey. I face that too, but I also face what could have been, what might have been, and it haunts me. You know what else haunts me, the lady of my dreams. The lady of my dreams is one of them. She walked down the same halls as me, she got her degree and has a great career. She got married and had a kid and has a life to be proud of. I've seen her and run into her and have probably scared her a bit. At Starbucks, and her block, and my block, and seemingly everywhere in 10009. She probably wonders what went wrong with me, if I'm just a creepy stalker, why I'm not a success like her. I wouldn't know what to say if she asked me that question. I couldn't explain it, I would just be in a daze that she would be asking me anything. I'm not in her league now, not even close. I don't know if I ever was. I've had a thing for her for 2/3rds of my life, a crush, a wild obsession, since freshman year, since 1983. I forgot about her for about 15 years, but Facebook brought her back, better than ever, back to my dreams, but for me it's a nightmare. I must try to forget her, even though I live near her. I mean her, and everyone else on earth, no harm whatsoever. I admire her, and respect her, and adore her. I always will. This poem is over, but she will always be, the lady of my dreams, though she may never be, in my reality.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Maybe There's Something To This "The Secret" Stuff
I am surprised, amazed and a bit bewildered by how things have seemed to pretty much fall into place for me recently. I made a mental list a few years back of where I wanted to be in my life, by the age of 45. At that time, I was living with my parents in Whiting, NJ, I was working at Domino's Pizza, I had no career or romantic prospects at all and I couldn't even get a DJ or Karaoke gig. I was feeling really down and questioning why my life had gone so downhill. At that point, I stumbled upon a book called "The Secret" and I thought the whole premise of it was nuts. The idea of just wishing for things to happen seemed at best, a very odd notion and at worst, totally not logical, but I read it again and started to try and visualize what I really wanted in my life. Fortunately, things started to move in the right direction. I was able to get out of debt and save up enough cash to consider moving back to NY. Thanks to my friend Gerry, I was able to at least rent a room in his house in Long Island and start working for him. After two years, I was able to save again for a move to NYC. Nowadays, I'm basically bouncing between the East Village and Stuyvesant Town but I'm generally back home, where I've wanted to return for a long time. It looks like my career situation is coming together, between being in the process of becoming a court officer and landing some DJ/Karaoke gigs, all in the same neighborhood bar. It all seems to be coming together.The only thing left to wish for is to find that special lady to be with. It's ironic that two of my favorites are within walking distance of me. I don't know if things will continue to fall into place, and potentially involve either of them, but who knows........
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Love Is In The Air
Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
Love is in the air
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea
And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name
(Chorus)
Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Love is in the air
In the rising of the sun
Love is in the air
When the day is nearly done
In the rising of the sun
Love is in the air
When the day is nearly done
And I don't know if you're an illusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
And it's there when I look in your eyes
Friday, March 4, 2011
A Simple Message For Those I Care About
Feel good about yourself, because your self is the only self you have.I choose to go by the assumption that this is the only life that any of us will live, therefore give everything the best you have, because tomorrow is not promised to anyone. It has taken me 40 years plus to realize that my best effort is needed to live the best life I can. My advice to everyone is make your strengths as good as they can be and work on each weakness that you have. The hardest thing for me, in my life, is to put the regrets of the past to bed and keep moving forward. That is what I promise to anyone who cares enough to read this........................
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